Sunday, 29 August 2010

Thought of the Morning 19

Okay, perhaps this isn't MY thought, exactly, but I was thinking of this quote this morning: "Maybe this world is another planet's Hell."--Aldous Huxley

P.S. A little trivia: Aldous Huxley's niece was my computer teacher in grade school.

Tuesday, 24 August 2010

What You REALLY Want

I remember it was my fifth birthday and every kid in my grade had one of those Glo Worm dolls. Remember those? They were pretty much giant larvae dressed in hats whose faces glowed when you squeezed them. Ahh, the 80s! Anyway, my friend had one that had butterfly wings, and of course, I wanted one just like it.
I guess that I talked this one up quite a bit to my parents because, on my birthday, they announced that we were going to the toy store to get me my precious glowing monstrosity. As we entered the warehouse-turned children's wonderland, my tiny eyes drew in the colors, sights and sounds in which only a child's senses could take immeasurable delight. Up and down the aisles of dolls, stuffed animals, figurines and playsets we marched until we came upon the display of Glo Worm toys. The thing was a GIGANTIC pyramid, stacked to the ceiling with podlike boxes of plastic doll-like larvae, none of which seemed to resemble my precious butterfly model.
"Oh no, I don't think they have the one you want," my mother said, disappointment pulling down her face and frame as she approached.
My little lip must have quivered a bit, because she and my father both decided to embark on a treasure hunt. They began to burrow through the huge display of boxes as I, drawn forward and onward by the ever-appealing visual displays, explored the other toys.
And so they dug and they dug...pulling out green glow worms, blue ones, purple ones. None of these were "The One." My mother was a trooper. She had not lost the inner knowledge of the kind of delight that comes with being a child, with having your heart set on that one special toy. She searched with a fervor, as if she were searching for those same special childhood feelings that she once experienced. Suddenly, she struck them. Amid a pile of boxes scattered all over the floor, she found what she'd been looking for. Waving the box over her head containing the butterfly doll, she yelped. I don't even remember what it was that she said, but I remember the shrillness of it, the way it echoed throughout the store and caused other shoppers to turn around and look at this crazy lady wading through boxes of the most ridiculous looking toys on the face of the planet.
My mother approached me with sheer, maddened glee on her face, searching for her match in my eyes. I, on the other hand, was holding another toy that I'd found the next aisle over.
"I found it, Honey!" my mother said, thrusting the ridiculous butterfly toward me.
My little lip must've quivered.
"You've found something else?" she said, disappointment pulling down her face and shoulders as she spoke.

I don't remember the toys that I got instead of the Glo Worm, but I do remember crying on the way home because of that look of disappointment on my mother's face. I remember the way she yelped and how that would haunt me to this day.

All in all it was an insignificant decision. My mother forgave me and has probably forgotten this incident. Still, I remember. And I think, after all, I did get what I really wanted. And I still have it. :)

Friday, 20 August 2010

Thought of the Morning 18

Words are like bacteria: under the right conditions, they can cure or destroy a nation.

The Word is Good

Just when I think that the American public no longer cares much for words, what, with articles, books, press releases shrinking in size to fit on handy dandy portable devices, some loon like Dr. Laura Schlesinger pops out the "N word" a bunch of times and we're hot on debate. As thrilled as I am that this cult-er-ifficly heeded coo-coo is off the air, I do think that the can of worms has been un-corked and I'm ready to start fishin.
My ears perked the other day when I heard Anderson Cooper (of all of the men that you had to make gay, lord, why?) speaking to DL Hugely and Rev. Al Sharpton about the implications of said age-old "N-word" and its impact on black people across the nation. DL Hugely was of the mindset that, words, when used in jest, lose power over the people that use them in that way. However, Al Sharpton said that using a destructive, derogatory word in any context does not lessen its derogatory nature. "If I take your fist and hit myself with it, does it lessen the power of the punch?"
It's all a philosophical debate, when boiled down, as to the power of words within a society. Yes, we have freedom of speech, but only up until the point that it offends a large group of people. And, yes, when words are spoken in jest, it softens the blow to the public. However, as Michael Richards found, comedy does not heal all, and, as in art, there are some creations that do not go over well at all.
Freedom of spech is a funny thing in this country. Say what you want, but, also, be prepared for others to say what THEY think as well. As a writer, you just know this. When will everyone else learn?

Wednesday, 18 August 2010

Thought of the Morning 17

Ever thought of getting a tattoo of your very favorite joke? Then you could tell everyone, "The joke's on me!"

Wahh wahh wahh....

I'll take my rotten fruit now. Thanks!

Sunday, 15 August 2010

Thought of the Morning 16

Life may not be fair, but, almost always, it is funny.

(Like, "Haha" funny, not weird funny. Well,'s also weird.)

Friday, 13 August 2010

Thought of the Morning 15

What's obnoxious to me lately? People who say, "I put it to you..." when presenting an idea or thought. People who say this can be nothing but pretentious. Seriously, does "I put it to you" ever come to mind when YOU are addressing someone? Such as, "I put it to you: perhaps we should empty the garbage today rather than tomorrow?" Didn't think so.

When people say those words, I find myself compelled to say something obnoxious and vulgar afterward, such as, "Oh yeah? I put it to YOUR MOM!" But I'm not that crazy in real life.

Note: "Your Mom" jokes don't go over very well if you are female. Although, the thought finds itself entertaining.

Monday, 9 August 2010

Mom Wisdom

My mother's a very wise woman, who always has the perfect bit of advice to give for any situation.

Yesterday, she said this:

"No matter what you go through, no matter what people say to you, just remember that they can't take YOU away from you."

I will remember this to my dying day. Thank you, Mom. I <3 you!

P.S. Planning a ceremony or life-changing event? Visit Ellen Deschatres's celebrant website:

Wednesday, 4 August 2010

Thought of the Morning 14

His and Hers Fitness:

When men talk about the gym, it's always an inflated "big fish" story: "Yep, today I did about 100 pushups, 500 situps, and benched 250." or, "Yeah, I spend 2 hours a day in the gym." These words are usually spoken with a lot of puffed chests and twitched fibres.

When women talk about the gym, it's riddled with guilt: "Yeah, I have GOT to get motivated to get back into a routine," or "I only went four days last week." These statements are typically made over lunch or after eating something "bad."

Just an observation. I went to the gym yesterday and I'm going today. Just for the record.