Something to Get By On

While the road to weight loss is full of pitfalls, there are a few things I keep in my tool kit that have helped me on this journey. I thought that it might be helpful to some of you, who might be looking for some helpful hints. The most helpful tool of all, of course, is good, common sense. If you're not hungry, don't eat. If you're in serious pain, stop moving that part of your body. If it's light-colored spandex, don't EVEN think about it.

Moving on...

Foods That Let You Eat Healthy Without Making You Feel Like You Want to Kill Yourself:

1) Unsweetened Cocoa Powder. Overcome any cocoa crazy moment with what better than the real deal? I'm a big advocate of this stuff, especially the Trader Joe's kind. You can dump a spoonful in just about anything: smoothies, mushed banana, oatmeal, yogurt. You can even make a chocolate mousse-type dessert by slowly stirring in a little almond milk (add Splenda or Stevia to taste). If you're feeling especially daring, grab half of an avocado and blend it with a little sweetener and a spoonful or two of this stuff to make a superfood pudding!

2) Fage Total 0% Greek Yogurt. Whoah. Even if you don't like yogurt, grab this stuff. It's not quite as sour as most plain yogurt, and it's extremely rich and creamy. Try it in your fave recipes! It fills the role of so many creamy ingredients: sour cream, mayo, heavy cream, etc. I even eat this stuff plain with berries and it's really not disgusting.

3) Trader Joe's Roasted Seaweed Snacks. Most people love these or hate these. I admit that I'm more partial to the Wasabi flavored ones than the plain ones. I like to dip them in hummus or salsa in place of pita or tortilla chips, or just grab them for an afternoon snack. A whole package of these is only 60 calories, so you can chomp away guilt-free while catching up on your fave show on Hulu.

4) PB2 by Bell Plantation. O.M.G. So, powdered peanut butter sounds a little gross, but, believe me, it is a lifesaver if you're PB obsessed like me. First of all, we all know that two tablespoons of good ol' PB packs nearly 200 calories. That's a good chunk (even if you're a creamy lover like me) of your daily intake. So, some genius decided to dehydrate it and magically suck out all of that fat, which weighs down those normal TBs with unnecessary calories. PB2 has ONLY (wait for it) 45 calories per two tablespoon serving. You can put the powdery stuff in smoothies, baking recipes, and even reconstitute it with a little bit of water to make it spreadable. It's like a dream come true. Now I can have my chocolate and PB too--and I can die happy (after the races this year, of course).

5) Menage a Trois(red variety). Okay, so wine isn't really a "diet" food, but I feel like a glass a night is really beneficial. Not only is wine a great anti-oxidant, but one glass after work can really help as a stress reliever, especially if you make it kind of a nighttime ritual. Don't go over one glass (and I'm not talking a HUGE wine chalace--go for a small one). More than one glass can add more calories and cause a person to lose control after that (alcohol tends to make you hungrier in the first place). If you're a stress eater, a glass of wine and, like, five strawberries can be just as satisfying after a long day as a chocolate cake binge.

Additional L.A. mentions: I can hardly believe it, but Native Foods' vegan cupcakes are only 150 calories and head-poppingly delicious. So, yeah, get some!

Honorable "Unmentionables"("Diet" Foods I'd Skip):

Lean Cuisine and other microwave-ready meals. Dude, anything you microwave in plastic is not going to be good for you. Also, these things are loaded with sodium. There are so many other items out there that take as much time to prepare as these and are WAY more satisfying.

Most "Light" yogurts. These are usually watery and unsatisfying, IMHO. Yeah, they come in crazy, cool artificial flavors, but I prefer the real stuff that I can flavor myself so that I know what's going into it.

Reduced Fat Peanut Butter. The fat in nuts is probably the one thing that's good for you. Also, these PBs just use fillers to cut the fat. It doesn't even cut calories that much (maybe 10-20 per serving, which you could burn off walking around the grocery store). Honestly, most peanut butter out there is not good for you and filled with sugar and weird oils. If you are going to go with real PB, read labels. There shouldn't be anything but peanuts (and MAYBE salt) in that jar.

Exercising in L.A. (Ways To Get Max Results For Little Time WITHOUT a gym membership):

1) Pilates Platinum. Everyone I've met who has tried PP has said the same thing, "I tried that. It kicked my butt!" Yep, that's right. This class is challenging. When I was heavier, it was even harder, and I felt SO incredibly out of place as the only fat person huffing and puffing in a perfectly synchronized group of slender, strong chicks and dudes. However, if you stick with it, it's worth it. I had to quit for a while because of finances, but, now I'm back and find myself getting worlds stronger with just one class a week (the company recommends 3x weekly for maximum results, but I don't have that kind of cash or time at the moment). It's a total body workout: you get balance and core workouts side-by-side with leg and arm strengthening moves. Your whole body works in sync with this class, which, after my recent hip strain issue, I discovered is actually pretty much how your body should be working all of the time.

2) 1,2,3, Hike! There are several short, yet very effective hikes in Los Angeles. Find one near you! For the West Side, I recommend the Baldwin Hills scenic overlook, with its famous killer stairs, Charmlee State Park (3 miles with little elevation, but very scenic), Temescal Canyon State Park, which is 2+ miles straight up to the top. If you have time for a longer one, definitely, without a doubt, get to the Mishe Mokwa Trail near Ventura (it's gorgeous AND they allow doggies--Sheila loved it). Also, the Malibu Creek State Park hike is a lot of fun, where M.A.S.H. (the TV show) was filmed. A lot of people like to mountain bike there as well, but it gets pretty rocky and twisted in parts. I'd be scared to bike it.

3) Meetup.com. There are TONS of groups that meet up for all kinds of activities all over Los Angeles. You can find run groups that meet in the evenings in your area, or on weekends. Some may have a yearly participation fee, which is usually nominal, but many of them are free. Check out the Nike runs. They have a mid-week run in Santa Monica and then a Sunday run every week, and they are totally free.

4) Get A Bike. Yes, it's expensive, yes it's annoying to find a place for in your home, but it also gives you SO much freedom. Once I stop wussing out about L.A. traffic, I plan to ride to work at least 2x a week, but you can ride so many places: grab a few things from the store, explore your neighborhood, visit a friend--all the while getting in some valuable cross training (especially if you're a runner like me).

5) Get A Dog. Okay, so this one's not for everyone obviously if you have allergies, a small budget, mega time constraints or you're out of town most of the time, a dog isn't the right choice. However, if you can fit a dog into your life, there are so many that need homes right now, and, guess what, the relationship is mutually beneficial. Dog gets love and food from you, you get lower stress and anxiety, less depression and more exercise! Even my little beag needs a good 45 minutes of walking a day, and so, no matter what, rain or shine, I have to get my butt out the door. A dog is like you're own personal motivational tool. "Get up and get out there or I'll pee on the carpet," is a better motivational phrase than I've heard from any of my previous personal trainers. Har har.

Honorable "Unmentionables" (things I'd pass up):

Joining an ultra-expensive gym unless you have a program in hand or a personal trainer, and it's on the way home or to work. People might be surprised that I say this. There are a thousand excuses we could give ourselves not to work out. So many people join a gym, get going for a few weeks or months, and then lose motivation. That gym membership tag hangs unused on the keychain for many months. Why? Working out at the gym is not fun, and when you have no direction, you quickly run out of ideas or stop challenging yourself. Instead, it's often better to find practical ways to fit fitness into your life and then join classes to push yourself to the next level.

Clothes Places That Are Awesome:

1) Target. Believe it or not, Target has some pretty decent workout wear for not a lot of money. I purchased 4 moisture-wicking shirts for $4 each recently! I found some really great loose-fitting yet supportive sports bra/yoga tops there that I wear all of the time for cycling or Pilates. If you make your way to the sporting goods aisles, there are also some less expensive DVDs and other gear. Not everything is amazing, but the workout wear is pretty good quality, just sayin. If you need something, check here first.

2)REI. Not only is REI staff knowledgable, but they also have some really high quality gear. I recommend the one in Manhattan Beach over the one in Santa Monica, actually, because I feel like they don't get as busy and are more attentive to customer needs. REI also often holds free classes for members in the store, so it's worth taking a look at what's up next.

3) Athleta. Yes, this company is owned by The Gap, but, in my book, it has two really positive "points": One, it has quality, functional gear, and, two, the company uses fit models in its catalogues, not twigs. I feel good about shopping at this place, but, like REI, it can get pricey, so like I said, for some stuff, check Target first.

4) Columbia. Columbia's gear has some awesome benefits, like amazing technologies in fabric that help to cool you, protect you from bugs and the sun, or heat you in the winter. Above any sporting gear company, they have far and away the best quality. I bought this amazing long-sleeve running shirt that cools to the touch when it gets sweaty. I've bought other shirts that claim to do this, but they don't. It's so amazing, I might just buy another one in another color, even if that other color is chartreuse :P

5) Ideeli.com. Besides being a generally awesome site on which to find discounted designer duds, you can also find discounted designer workout gear, which can be very easy on the wallet. My last pair of name brand running shoes from here cost me $35.99. I've seen shoes there for as low as $19.99. Enuff said. Just, sign up already.

Honorable "Unmentionables" (stuff I'd do without):

Thrift Stores. When it comes to sweat gear, you're probably not going to want to recycle someone else's stuff, no matter how cute it is. Like I said, check Target, but don't don someone else's stanky bacteria-infested clothing. Bleh.

Finally, I'll leave you with some overall self-improving tips:

1) You don't have to love your body. Did I just say that? Yes, I did. A lot of magazines and self help gurus give this trife blanket statement, "Love your body, no matter what size it is." This is total hippie bull puckey, and, practically impossible for most people living in today's Western society. There is no love for flab. Buuuuut--pause a minute--you need to learn to love the self, the self you are regardless of your body size. Get to know that person by challenging yourself in different ways. Write, talk, think about who you really are and what's going on inside. Listen to yourself. Forgive yourself. When all of that negative self talk comes in, learn to ignore it, just keep focusing on your goals and getting to know who you are. Beating yourself up is not going to help you get to your dream weight. I've tried it both ways, the self love thing works a lot better in the end.

2) Prepare for the long haul. Most people who embark on a weight loss goal lose weight rapidly in the beginning. The body starts responding to the diet and exercise changes by shedding pounds and the person feels motivated and ready to tackle the world. Of course, then, there's the inevitable point where the weight loss slows or even stalls and that's where most people get derailed. One thing I'll say that I've learned is that there is NO quickie diet that is going to sustain you, long term. The key is to make healthy eating a part of your natural lifestyle, and that takes time to adjust to. Also, life's not black or white. One day you might eat a big, fatty meal. Instead of bemoaning your loss of "control", take it in stride. One meal isn't going to pack on weight. In fact, your body probably isn't going to store all of those calories. A good rule of thumb is to eat within your daily caloric intake 80 percent of the time. A couple of "cheat" meals during the week (as long as you don't go crazy and eat a whole pizza), will still get you to your goals. It will take longer, but you'll be doing it in a sustainable, healthy way.

3) Think of non-food rewards. Buy a goal dress or pair of jeans, save up for a new gadget or workout item for when you hit milestones on the way to your final goal. I just got into a pair of jeans I bought last year that I could not even fit over my thighs then. Having measurable, visual accomplishments can be such a fantastic high along the way.

4) Compare yourself to others. Yes, another controversial thought. There are SO many people in the world and EVERYONE has struggles. There are so many people who are like you out there. Read success stories on the internet or in magazines. Use other people's stories to motivate you. Don't get bogged down in looking at what you don't have. Look at what you can achieve.

Honorable "Unmentionables" (thoughts I'd ditch):

Don't lose weight for anyone but yourself. Sure, having support and encouragement helps, but if you feel like it's someone else's dream, and not yours to see yourself thin, then that's not the right headspace you want to be in.

Don't use your fat as a scapegoat for everything. Even when I was at a thinner size, I used to think that, if a guy didn't like me, it was solely the fault of my fat. While that may have been true in some cases, there was no way that I could have known what the guy was thinking. I'd bog myself down with self loathing and spend a night bingeing, fulfilling the fat slob fantasy in my head. Take ownership and push past the whole "fat person" thing. Try new things, smile, get up in front of people. Don't shame yourself before anyone else can. Yeah, rejection and failure hurt, but not as much as it does in the end when you never try anything you're afraid of.


Now, go forth and conquer.

Fear Factor

Facing your fears can almost be a baptismal experience. Each week, I try to do something that I'm scared of doing, from small things to larger things. I might do the same thing more than once, if I'm still scared of it.

Last week, I went rock climbing for the first time. I'm the type of person who will never go too near the edge of anything, who will never stand on a high platform or rock to get a closer look, unless there's something secure to clutch onto there. Walking off of a cliff backwards, as I did for the rappel, is normally not my idea of a picnic. Yet, rope in hand, I slowly scooted backward off of a 50-foot rock formation. Subsequently, I found myself digging deep within to fight the nerves that told me that my climbing legs were not strong enough, that my body, that I, was not meant to climb 30, 40 feet. Other people did that. Other, braver people did that. I couldn't possibly. But, I did.

Had I not had a patient, yet perfectly "asshole"-ish instructor in my friend, Travis, I would not have know what I was capable of doing. I would have given in to my own whimpering at 15 feet and called it a day. Travis did not let me give up on myself. And, you know what? I did it, and came out with my "Confidence Meter" moved up a notch.

Every time you do something that you don't believe that you're capable of doing, you build up that confidence meter. Thinking or saying "I can't," doesn't help with anything. You need to acknowledge your fears and push past them, even if it's a little at a time. This doesn't mean you have to be a daredevil, but look at the things you don't do or haven't done with your time. It could be joining a club, going on a 3-day juice fast, trying a new form of exercise or a starting a blog. Why don't you do that thing? Is it because you are afraid of some aspect of it?

Fear is not an excuse not to do something. Plain ol' fear can often trump common sense. Even when you're not in severe physical danger, fear can stop you from doing something you might otherwise enjoy. Your brain will come up with every excuse in the book to get out of doing something you fear.

This week, I told myself that I was going to ride my bike to meet a friend for coffee. As a newbie biker, L.A. streets terrify me. As time to leave drew near, I started thinking things to myself, like, "Maybe you should just drive. It'll be faster. Besides, you don't want to be all sweaty when you get there."

"NO!" I told myself. "Stoppit! Backing out of this is not an option."

My chain came off just as I rode out of my driveway and I had trouble fixing it. I wanted to give up, turn around, grab the car.

"No!" I said to myself. "You made a promise to yourself and you're going to do this."

I finally got the chain to right itself and quit clattering, and I was on my merry way again. Yes, I may have looked silly to a family walking by as I tried to start my bike up facing a huge hill, but, I made it there. And I made it home again. I felt free, happy and my Confidence Meter jumped up again.

Part of being good to yourself is helping yourself to grow. Challenges are great fertilizer. And, I promise, they don't stink :)

Cycling Back To Reclaim Old Victory!

I'm about to harvest my hard-earned tax money for the year, which couldn't have come at a more opportune moment. Today's the day I bought my very first bike, ever. That's right, EVER. And now begins our story...

It sounds like this "poor me" sort of story, entitled, "My Parents Never Bought Me A Bike" (booh-hoo), but, really, I didn't exactly feel like I was missing out on anything at the time. This was 1985 and my parents, both very entrepreneurial hairdressers, were busy, developing their fantastic new invention, the world's first computer imaging software for the hair styling industry.

The software itself worked like this: A hairstyling client's face was lined up in its proper place using appropriate cross-hair markers and a video camera, and captured onto a computer screen. Then, the stylist could choose from a list of hairstyles which he or she wanted to try on the client. the style would appear over the client's own image and the stylist could adjust the size, color and length using a pen mouse. It was all pretty advanced for the 80s. I liked that they let me play with it when I was left at the salon all day. I always made my hair pink with big mall bangs. I liked Jem, a lot.

I was always very good at entertaining myself. Back in those days, when daycare options were sparse for folks like us, and when my parents were traveling with the imaging system, I depended a lot of my own imagination and books to carry me through the recreational hours. We lived in St. Louis suburbia, in a subdivision with no children my age (mostly babies or very small children), and nowhere for kids to go anyway (the nearest stores were a 20-min walk away). So, relegated to the back yard and to the few sleepovers or playdates that I did have, the option of "going bike riding" never came up.

As for my parents, I don't know if they were so busy at the time, that teaching me to ride wasn't an upfront and center consideration, or whether because I never asked for one, they never even bothered. I asked my mother one day why I never got a bike and my sister did, and she said, "I don't know. I guess maybe you never expressed interest."

That answer alone didn't hold up as a solid reason for me. Sure, there are some skills, like learning ballet or skiing, that should not be forced on a child, but bike riding is almost like learning to type nowadays. You can get along fine without it, but it's pretty difficult when everyone else around you knows how. If you can coax a child into learning to type, you can coax a child into learning how to ride a bike. My guess is, the parents were busy and didn't have time to waste coaxing. So, they never bought me a bike, and they never taught me to ride.

Years went by. My sister got a bike when she was 7 or so, maybe 8 even. It was her birthday and she'd asked for it. That was fine with me, as long as it didn't cross over to my territory. I guarded my turf like an alpha canine: I get horseback riding, art, books, dogs and the color blue, and you can have stuff I don't care about, like ballet, gymnastics, ice skating and pink. The laws were never verbally outlined, but strictly enforced when broken. So, the bike fell into her territory by default. I had no need for a bike, so I thought.

My French uncle and aunt and cousin came to visit that summer. They were the ones who taught my sister to ride her bike. I stayed inside with a book while they begged and pleaded with me to "move a little, it's good for you." Horn-headed as I am, I allowed their pleas to drive me further into my shell, and I covered myself in my fantasy world, where it was more fun and bike riding people didn't exist.

After they'd left and the summer days dragged on (I don't remember the last time a summer day dragged on for me as an adult), I found myself observing my sister and her little friend, weebling around the subdivision on their bikes through my bedroom window. Something sour started to develop, which spread into a delicate flavor combination of longing, jealousy and fear.

Her bike was too small for me when I pulled it out. It was a kid's mountain bike, forest green, with nice, fat tires. If I could just find out if I could balance on it, I thought. I sat on it at the top of our driveway, which slanted down ever-so-slightly. Down and down and down I repeated coasting until I thought, I'm going to coast around the block. Shaky, I went, coasting down the big hills. I was too afraid to put my feet on the pedals. When I did, the bike would wobble to the side and I'd panic. I could feel I was getting the hang of the balance, I was almost there, until...the neighbor saw me.

Poor woman. I don't mean to blame her for my inability to ride a bike. All she said as she drove by was, "You're almost there!"

And I was mortified. Here I was, 12 years old, and I didn't know how to ride a bike and my little sister did. The shame of hiding such a secret from peers was bad enough, but now, even my neighbors knew. I put up the bike and never tried again.

On through teens and 20s the years marched on. I accomplished a lot to be proud of in that time. I lived abroad, I studied in London to receive my MA in International Journalism, I traveled, I tried new things, I picked up many skills, but, still, I'd see them, what seemed to be everyone else gliding along on two wheels, and I'd feel that sourness again and again. The freedom of movement, the elegant limbs, the ease of the pedal strokes, all struck me with indescribable awe. Someday I'll find a way to learn, I'd tell myself.

At any time, I suppose, I could have bought myself a bike and I could have gone to a parking lot and piddled about until I learned, but, mostly, it was about the shame. It'd been my deepest, darkest secret for so long, the shame had grown into my skin. Only my closest friends knew. I'd observed typical 90s sitcom episodes, like "Friends" where Phoebe learns to ride a bike, or "Frasier", where Niles is the cycling newbie, and, in both instances, the adult non-cyclists were treated like ridiculous fodder for an episode of jokes. But it was almost like, "Yeah, but we know in REAL life no adults exist who don't know how to ride a bike. That's just absurd!" The horrific embarrassment ignited by pop culture grew a forest fire that kept my little secret inside for many more years.

By the time I hit 30, I'd sweated out most of the fear of trying new things, challenging myself in new ways, both in my professional life and personal life. Now that I was living on my own in Southern California, where there was lots to do and the weather was mostly almost always awesome, I set myself a goal of having more adventures and learning new skills. It was time to explore, get bold and find out what I was made of.

Ironically as part of that whole adventure, I found myself meeting a great guy who happened to be an active cyclist. He competed in a race not long after we first started dating. It took me a while to muster up the courage to tell him my secret. How on Earth could I tell a person SO passionate about biking that I'd never learned how to ride?

One day, when I somehow eeked out the bold streak to tell him. He was surprised, but very supportive. "I'll take you to a parking lot, we'll take it slow," he'd assured me.

As much as I appreciated his chivalrous and kind response to my dilemma, the thought of falling headfirst into a concrete parking island in front of him was anything but sexy. Sure, maybe it was my shame taking hold at this point, but I wanted to see what other options were available.

Much to my surprise, "How to Ride a Bike" courses were popping up all over the country. REI offered a "How to Ride a Bike" course right in my area! I looked for the next one and I was shocked to see that it had filled up.

"They say it's their most popular class," my boyfriend had mentioned after a trip to REI one day.

I admit, I didn't sign up right away to the next available one. The holidays got in the way and there were lots of things to distract me, not to mention financial issues, that kept me a little bit distanced from my goal. Luckily, my boyfriend, who never forgets anything I tell him (amazing, especially for the male species), sent me an email while I was spending Christmas with my folks, detailing the next "How to Ride a Bike" course on January 22, 2012. Within a few clicks, I was committed to finally attempt to conquer a lifelong source of embarrassment and limitations.

The date came galloping up, and, I'll admit, that morning my stomach felt a little jittery. Some of it was excitement, some of it was definitely laced with fear. Either way, no matter how difficult a feat this was going to be, I wss going to master it.

The instructor was from Ecuador, one of those very handsome, rugged types with a thick accent. He stood on the other side of a line of bikes, while his co-instructor, a thinner all-American white guy, adjusted and checked each one. One-by-one the students arrived and looked around at each other. All ages, sizes and colors we were, but each of us ported that same timid look, like, "Are we really going to do this?"

As our instructor had us go around and talk about our reasons for taking the class, I realized that I wasn't the only one who had carried this secret around forever. Each person in the class had been burdened by the same shame as I had been, some for even longer than I had. We all seemed excited when the instructor said, "95 percent of the students who take this class learn how to ride a bike by the end of the class." Our shame would end that day.

First exercise: Coasting. We were instructed to get a good start by forcefully pushing with our legs to gain some momentum, then we focused on our balance while we would glide along with our feet lifted off of the ground. The first coast felt wobbly and scary, but as I continued down the hill over and over, I felt something begin to click as my glides got more graceful, less wobbly and less scary.

"Come over here, I'm going to put your pedals on," our instructor said, motioning to me after about 20-30 minutes of gliding practice.

He showed me how to push off and start pedaling, the part where, long ago, I'd never gotten past. I was nervous. The first start, I didn't get enough momentum and ended up wobbling over to one side before I put my feet flat on the ground. the second time, I lifted my feet up and found the pedals. Before I knew it, I was balanced and pedaling. Balanced and pedaling! I was riding a bike!

As the first hour wore on, I was gliding around the parking lot, practicing smooth turns and picking up speed fearlessly. I couldn't believe it! It was me, ME, the person who had for so long carried this weight in my heart. As I floated effortlessly around the parking lot, I felt a new surge of freedom, like a gust of wind under the wings of a falcon.

Horn-headed as I am, I had to find a bike right away because I was hooked. Needless to say, it was hard to keep myself from being distracted at work, while so much excitement was bubbling inside of me. I clawed my way through my responsibilities, just so I could see the weekend again.

Early this morning, my boyfriend and I headed to the bike shop. The sales guy who helped us had an accent too and a pleasant countenance. He guided me through the zillions of bike choices (I'll admit, I know nothing and he could have sold me a pogo stick and I wouldn't have known the diff), and I agreed that I would try out three of them.

I was still nervous about trying them. I wobbled around on the first bike and had major trouble steering at first. Not that I'd expected perfection, but I hadn't expected to have been such an unattractive, ungraceful spectacle in front of two guys (as well as other passers by). The second bike I tried felt much easier and I careened smoothly around the try-out area. Okay, so I got my mojo back a little bit, and I didn't end up in the bushes or face-planted in the concrete. I saved face in many ways, I guess you could say.

Ultimately I chose bike #2, a Trek 7100 women's hybrid bike in a sparkly light blue color. I got a helmet to match. It's SOOOOOOO cool! My first bike. It's here on my turf and I'm ready for the next step.

P.S. Pic of me + bike (named, "Victoria") coming soon!